Category: Joke Board
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption. The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. The couple who met in a revolving door are still going round together. There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. While training to work at Coca Cola he was given a pop quiz. The queen's favorite chef was knighted Sir Loin. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. Every calendar's days are numbered. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall. A scientist doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals was trying to solve a problem when he fell in and became part of the solution
31. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
32. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
33. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
34. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
35. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
36. There was a guy who was fired from the orange juice factory for lack of concentration.
37. His girlfriend wanted him to slow down the car, but he put his foot down.
38. When the TV repairman got married the reception was excellent.
39. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
40. I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.
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Those are funny, but, like all puns they are real groaners. Thanks for posting.
haha pretty interesting
lmfao! lmfao! These are fucking funny.
Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest:
10. Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead rabbits. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
9. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that: You can't have your kayak and heat it too.
7. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal operation? His goal: transcend dental medication.
5. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
4. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his natural mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
3. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
2. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
1. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
No pun in ten did!
These are really funny. Thanks.